The rest of the weekend was spent appreciating my MIL, family time and looking at Z. Reality has hit. The one thing that I dread the most is here. I’m returning to work on the 2nd June. It’s a love- hate relationship. I really want the money, to save, for family holidays and for the future. But I also want to watch Z all the time.
A close girl friend of mine asked me what was the longest period of time I’ve been away from Z. I told her 3 – 4 hours and she laughed. She shared that her husband trained her to be away from her baby at intervals and she mentioned it’s going to be tough on me when I start work. I won’t deny it.
My head is telling me, I get to see him in a couple of hours. It won’t be a problem. But my heart aches quite badly. In fact, just thinking about not seeing him, makes me tear up. 😭😭😭
I don’t think I’ve felt this way since I went through a breakup. It’s a really illogical explanation. An emotion I can’t quite comprehend. I’m not leaving my child for good. I’m not walking out on him. I’m not even to go for days without seeing him. But really… Just hours.
As much as I love to stare at my phone, get busy with other aspects of life, I still can’t bear to part with him.
They say babies are highly adaptable. So I’m guessing, this is probably one sided. I’m not worried at all about waking up earlier each day. Staying up later each night to finish up the chores. But really, I do hope I can control my emotions.